Spacious Perspicacious

circuitsandmotors:

trigger: FTM dysphoria

Once a month

I am a solider

bleeding out red

onto the cot in the medical tent.

Horrified by my own body,

I change my own bandages

every two hours or so.

I lie on the cot for hours,

unable to sleep because of the emptiness between my legs.

I am a recovering soldier at the stage where

I am longing for something I must have once had

And yet trying to move forward,

Trying to function without the comfort I once knew.

It takes time to understand a body that is the very opposite

of everything you want.

At the places where you want it to be flat,

It rebelliously defies the very concept of flatness.

And down there, where you need extra weight,

It not only becomes flat, but defiantly hollow too!

My body is stubborn.

My body will be stubborn for a while.

And unfortunately the only thing my brain can do to retaliate

Is to imagine my body is a soldier’s, lying on a cot.

Though he is hurting now,

He knows that in a few days

He’ll be ready to get back up and fight. :)

(via fyeahgenderqueers)