I’ve been there in the co-op house for… a week? And I’m doomed.
I am just not emotionally built to live with other people, I think. Or, maybe just less people, or certain types of people. But I think I have to live with these awesome people to learn more about myself and make the right decision, instead of walking blind and falling into domestic situations.
I have difficulty being around other people generally. I like a lot of time alone. In a shared house, I can spend all the time I want in my room, but going to pee and getting food and so on means it’s practically inevitable that I will be around other people. There is no escape.
I thought of a few solutions. The main one is that I could just not talk to people if I don’t want to, and if other people talking to me bothers me I could wear a symbolic hat of some description to let people know that I want them to pretend I don’t exist. But I still react to people being around me, and it is hard work. (I’m crying as I type this.) They are all so lovely, and I am more physically healthy and generally functional there, but I am not happy.
I came up the hill just now to email a photograph to someone who wants to buy my table, and it is a relief. I had forgotten what solitude feels like, even though I can have it in my co-op room any time I like. It’s no different in my flat, where there are people living on all sides of my space and I can hear them puttering about all the time. It’s just me.
Wise words are welcome. Obligatory question mark: ?