1. 09:08 1st Jun 2013

    Notes: 90

    Reblogged from poly-trans-queer

    Tags: polyamoryjealousy

    I’ve been disturbed to see dynamics emerge where people create the new poly norm and then hate themselves if they cannot live up to it. If they are not perfect at being non-jealous, non-threatened, and totally delighted by their partners’ exploits immediately then they have somehow failed. I have felt this way myself. Frustrated at how my intellect can embrace this approach to sex and yet my emotional reaction is sometimes enormous and undeniably negative. At times, this has become a new unachievable perfection I use to torture myself, embarrassed even to admit to friends how awful I feel when overcome by jealousy, and becoming increasingly distant from partners as I try to hide these shameful and overwhelming feelings.

    This doesn’t seem like the radical and revolutionary practice I had hoped for. In fact, it feels all too familiar, like the other traumas of growing up under capitalism—alienation from myself and others, constant insecurity and distrust and fear, self-hatred and doubt and inadequacy. I do not have a resolution for this dilemma. I only have hopes, for myself and others, and lots of questions. How do I recognize the inadequacy of the romance myth while acknowledging its deep roots in my emotional life? How do I balance my intellectual understandings with my deep-seated emotional habits/expectations? It seems like the best answer to all of this is to move forward as we do in the rest of our activism, carefully and slowly, based on our clearest principles, with trust and a willingness to make mistakes. The difficulty of having open relationships should not be a reason not to try it, but it should be a reason not to create new punishing norms in our communities or in our own minds. We’ve done difficult things before. We struggle with internalized oppressions, we chose to live our lives in ways that our families often tell us are impossible, idealistic or dangerous, and we get joy from creatively resisting the limits of our culture and political system that are both external and part of our own minds.

    — 

    Dean Spade  

    “For Lovers and Fighters”

    (via sketchyblondes)

     
  2. image: Download

    (via 120. Spelling it Out)
     
  3. image: Download

    (via 94. We Need to Talk)
Posting a little late because I was away, but… JEALOUSY.

    (via 94. We Need to Talk)

    Posting a little late because I was away, but… JEALOUSY.

     
  4. 22:35 3rd Jul 2011

    Notes: 343

    Reblogged from antithestasia

    Tags: jealousypolyamory

    Really interesting article about jealousy, leaning towards a polyamorous context. I think everyone needs to understand that jealousy doesn’t just happen, it has causes and they can be dealt with. And that kind of emotional and interpersonal skill is useful in all relationships, poly or not.

    antithestasia:

    When I discuss polyamory with people, polyvangelist that I am, they often ask me about jealousy; after the “permission to cheat” and the “you don’t really love hir,” jealousy is the next most asked about topic. 

    Jealousy happens; it’s a natural part of the human emotional spectrum, just like anger and happiness and fear and lust. The primary difference between people who are poly and people who are monogamous seems to be not that poly folk don’t get jealous, but rather that poly folks see jealousy as something to deal with and overcome, while monogamists seem to see it as an insurmountable barrier. I often talk to monogamous folks about my relationship and hear them say, “Oh, that sounds nice, but I could never do that, I’d get jealous.” Funny, you never hear them say things like “Wow being in a relationship sounds nice, but I could never do that, I’d get way too annoyed with their flaws.” Nothing is perfect, these things take work.

    Read more.

     
  5. Amy and Jealousy

    kesamama:

    My one huge dislike about this episode. Fuck you Moffat, just because Amy is a woman you think her only possible response could be jealousy! (I say this because Moffat is a disgustingly sexist person, not because my first thought was jealous=womanly trait) Rory is madly in love with her (and vice-versa) and she knows it. The Amy we love would be proud of Rory for helping some poor girl. ALKJFOihngorwijngJFSoijgo

    Damn right.

    (Source: buttermelow)

     
  6. image: Download

    The latest PiP, made on someone else’s computer in a burst of productivity. My computer is still broken, now it won’t do the intertubez. :( But this comic was fun to make. I can’t wait to get back to my usual routine!

    The latest PiP, made on someone else’s computer in a burst of productivity. My computer is still broken, now it won’t do the intertubez. :( But this comic was fun to make. I can’t wait to get back to my usual routine!