Anonymous asked: Hmm, well the reason I ask is that I really like the sound of the two particular relationships that you described in your resent post about polyamory. I guess I want to know, how did those relationships go from being strangers saying hello, to being the way they are now? And how did you come to find people who are open to having relationships that are like that (seeing as most people probably aren't)?
Ahhhh, I seeeee! Well, erm, there was nothing remarkable about either of those meetings, except the wonderful and interesting people in them of course. If you just want to know about the two people I mentioned in that last big blog post…
One was a friend of my boyfriend in uni; my boyfriend was sharing a student flat thingy with this guy, and this guy ended up with this girl, and eventually they all moved in together and I moved in with them, and she was beautiful and I found it really easy to be around her (such a rare combination!), and somehow her boyfriend didn’t mind, and other distracting infatuations came and went but she never stopped waiting for me, and now they are married and he still doesn’t mind and she is still waiting and I love her so much. They are both some of my most favourite people and I hate that my various illness stuff means I can’t express that as much as I want to.
The other I met on a festival campsite when I had to walk through their camp circle to get to my own. They had a rule: you can walk through our circle whenever you like, but you have to say hello. So me and my friends said hi, and me and this person never said a word to each other before we knew that we had to have more conversations. So we were like, “let’s have some more conversations.” Our particular thing has shifted lots of times since that moment but it still feels the same to me. It went casual, sexual, staying-at-your-house-out-of-necessity, sexual again, totally not sexual so why am I still visiting you?, camping-in-your-spare-room-for-my-mental-health while helping each other to survive, and now: neighbours who are disabled and help each other in order to avoid serious neglect plus occasional cuddling.
I posted, and then realised that I haven’t answered your second question: how did I find people who are open to such things.
I tell people who I am and how I do things and why, and the people who like it stick around. If I like what they’re about then I put effort into sticking around them. I might or might not be intimate with any of these people, depending on various factors like shared trust and love and comfort and ease and adaptability. I kinda feel like this answer is unhelpful; isn’t this how friends happen? I feel like I’ve been asked “how do you find people who are into the same bands you’re into?” or something. Maybe I have misunderstood?