Spacious Perspicacious

letyourlifesing:

At least for the purpose of benefits in the UK.

Now on one hand, it’s sad, because the reasoning behind it is that poly relationships don’t count or are ‘less than’. On the other hand, it has a positive side affect; we should be assessed for benefits as single people rather than couples.

You can read it for yourself in the Department of Work and Pensions Decision Makers’ Guide, the bit you’re looking for is Chapter 11 of Volume 3 which you can find here: http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/dmgch11.pdf but I’ll have a bash at explaining below.

Basically, if you live in the same house as a partner the UK government, or more precisely the UK benefits system, is likely to take the view that you are Living Together As Husband And Wife/Civil Partner. This is also known as LTAHAW/CP which is an amusingly unwieldy acronym.

If you’re applying for benefits and you tell them that you’re in a couple you’ll end up with less money than the two of you would if you were assessed as single people and if one person is earning the other is forced to be financially dependant on them. If you apply for benefits and don’t tell them you’re in a couple but they later decide that you are, it has a bunch of negative outcomes, including the possibility of being done for fraud.

However, if you’re poly and share your home with your partner(s) then you’re off the hook on this one. The benefits system has no way of taking into account of being in more than one couple, let alone a three+ person relationship (to be fair, this would be a MAJOR administrative headache!) and they also regard faithfulness as one of the criteria to decide whether people are Living Together As Husband And Wife/Civil Partner. This means that people in poly relationships are treated as single when being assessed for benefits.

I’m not clear what the DWP would say if people were in a legal marriage/civil partnership *and* other relationships. Has anyone got knowledge/experience on this.

This feels pretty important to me!

I am not getting as much as I need/am entitled to, but I am getting something. (I do intend to appeal.)

This is a BIG deal. It means the government recognises that I am disabled and are helping me, which means that I can afford to do some of the things that able-bodied people can do much more easily than me. I guess that might be obvious, but I feel it should be said. It is a step towards a normal standard of living, which I don’t currently have.

So many little kind words of encouragement and advice have helped me, much more than the CAB or any kind of social services thingies. Like, immediate and accurate advice and anecdotes that are totally relevant to my situation. You are all actually brilliant, and if people such as yourselves hadn’t been here for me I would probably be dead. I’m not exaggerating.

*sigh*

It is still sinking in.

*falls over*

In other news, I went to a housing association to get on the waiting list, and they’ve put me on the waiting list, so that is a relief.

I applied for Disability Living Allowance (DLA) in November 2012 and what with one thing and another (delays with the GP report, mainly) I have the medical in about a week. So it’s taken 4 months to get from application to medical.

Unfortunately, the face-to-face aspect is where I fall apart. I am applying for DLA for an autism spectrum disorder, and that means interpersonal/communication issues. If it goes well, I will be quite functional and be able to answer the questions. If I’m having a bad day, I will end up curled up on my bed, completely nonfunctional and unresponsive, and the doctor could decide that I am being uncooperative. (They could also take it as evidence that I need a lot of support. I’ve never been to one of these DLA medicals.)

So I guess I am pretty scared. If anyone knows anything about DLA medical assessments, especially anyone autistic, I would love to hear from you. Send me an ask?

ETA: So far I have assembled:

• My ASD diagnosis letter
• A copy of my DLA application
• My symptoms diary
• A supporting letter or two
• My ESA medical
• Copies of lots of letters I sent describing notable symptoms while I was waiting for them to decide what to do with me

Have I forgotten anything?

I just got an email from a local feminist group list. I thought I’d share a bit of it about anti-choice protesters from Welsh Women’s Aid and how you can help. I will definitely be sending a postcard of support, though I can’t donate or counter-protest.

‘40 Days For Life’, an anti-abortion group, is currently holding prayer vigils across the UK outside abortion centres - including the BPAS clinic on St Mary Street in Cardiff - for the duration of Lent, i.e. until 23rd March. I’ve spoken with the manager of the clinic and she’s had women going in there crying having been harassed by these people upon entering the clinic, and has had to call the police on more than one occasion.

A group of pro-choice activists is planning a series of activities, listed below.

EVERY SATURDAY BETWEEN 23RD FEB AND 23RD MARCH: Pro-Choice Counter-Protests

There will be banners, flyers, music, and a collection for the clinic, outside the clinic - near Howells on St Mary St, Cardiff. Please come down and join in!

SEND YOUR LOCAL CLINIC A SOLIDARITY CARD!

This is a pretty difficult time for staff working at the clinic; activists are encouraging pro-choice supporters to send the clinic staff cards to show that they have plenty of support from the general public and organisations (chocolates, cake, flowers etc probably wouldn’t go amiss either!).

The Cardiff address to send cards etc to is: BPAS Cardiff, 1st Floor, Elgin House, 106-7 St Mary Street, Cardiff CF10 1DX. If you don’t live in Cardiff but there is a 40 Days For Life protest outside a BPAS clinic near you, you can find out your local clinic’s address here: https://www.bpas.org/bpaslocations.php

DONATE TO BPAS

Activists have set up a donation page online, where you can donate for each day that the vigils continue - meaning that effectively, 40 Days For Life are facilitating the raising of funds for the clinics that they target. You can donate securely (and anonymously if you wish) online here:http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=Boycott40days

FURTHER INFO

- You can find out more about 40 Days For Life here: http://www.40daysforlife.com/

- There is a Facebook page for the pro-choice Cardiff group here: http://www.facebook.com/events/338403142936820/340001729443628/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity (ETA: link didn’t work for me. —lottelodge)

On Tuesday I’m going to see a specialist about an ASD diagnosis. It’s unrelated to the transgender stuff, but I’m finding that the transgender stuff likes to step into every medical space known to man. I am trying to delicately bring it up in a way that isn’t too invasive for the appointment.

Dear Dr [Surname],

I am sometimes unable to explain things properly in person, so I’m writing a letter in advance just in case.

I am transgender, and my gender identity is nonbinary, i.e.: neither male nor female. My name is Cassian, and my preferred personal pronouns are singular “they” (they, them, their) instead of my birth-assigned feminine pronouns (she, her, her). My title is Mx (pronounced “mix”) rather than Ms.

My mother has been using my birth name ([Birthname]) and female pronouns for me for all of my life, and might use them during the appointment(s), so I understand that it might be confusing particularly in conversation, but I would like you to use the name Cassian and the pronouns singular they/them/their in person and in anything you write down.

Many thanks,

Cassian Lodge

I’ll mention the NHS guidelines on transgender healthcare if they refuse for some reason, but hopefully the desire to be a good person will be enough. (It isn’t, always.)

mx-magpie said: Yeah damn right, you deserve respect. My GP did a similar thing with a letter I needed. They constantly and purposefully misgendered me and very un-subtley implied that my gender was my invention/delusion. Basically UK GP’s are shit with trans* people.

Oh no, that is so awful. :( There’s going to be a letter of complaint about my GP’s conduct, for sure. I feel like I can’t just let her treat me like this and have me just sit back and take it. But as you probably know yourself, it’s just so stressful. We shouldn’t have to deal with this crap.

mx-magpie answered your question: Turned down for DLA. Do you know anything that might help?

From what I’ve experienced you have to outright “prove” your mental disorder. Just saying “I’m not right” doesn’t go far. It’s mental.

I’m hoping that a diagnosis will help with this bit. And I’m going to pile on the supporting letters so that they know I’m not just making it up. Ahhhh, it’s tough. :( And so much tougher for invisible illness!

It’s weird that they do require a diagnosis, or seem to. The fact that I basically can’t function most of every day has been totally ignored.

Those of you logged in earlier might’ve seen my post about being turned down for DLA.

Things I have found out:

• You can pretty much only get benefits if you go to appeal. They turn you down automatically, or so it seems.
• The fact that I filled in the form myself probably counts against me, even though it took me 11 months.
• I have some actually brilliant, stunning, overwhelmingly kind and intelligent followers, on both Twitter and Tumblr. But that was obvious.

My plan of action:

• Appeal. Tell them they basically ignored my form.
• Get letters of support from everyone who knows I’m proper disabled. (More people than I realised, since I’m trying to hide it less these days.)
• Call my psych doctor in the morning to ask for an appointment, because I want an appointment with a specialist in autism. A diagnosis and a supporting letter from the specialist will help a lot.
• Find an advocate organisation, preferably an autism-experienced one, and maybe ask for help.

I think I will probably freak out lots of times and panic and ask you for advice and support, since lots of you seem to have experience with the process. Just to warn you. But I also feel like I know what to do next, so that is brilliant.

Errr. I am a bit baffled by existing right now, so I’ll leave it at that. And thank you. Yes, lots of thank you.

lazyorangehousecat replied to your post: Turned down for DLA. Do you know anything that might help?

annoyingly, the default for most benefits is to deny on first pass. did you get anything in with that about the appeals process?

No; in their letter they said “see the enclosed leaflet for more information” and they didn’t say *what* information. Also the envelope contained no leaflet…!

dimestorelipstick answered your question: Turned down for DLA. Do you know anything that might help?

I’m a soshul wurker and I deal with this all the time, where can I send you advice without a character limit?

You are brilliant. I will message you with my email address.

shegsybellsshegsybells answered your question: Turned down for DLA. Do you know anything that might help?

Appeal. A large % of people who appeal seem to win their cases. Speak to the CAB as well.

I have some terrible experiences with the CAB; they’ve never helped me very well. I don’t know if I should do that. There was a branch in Swansea but they closed and I can’t do phones when I’m panicky. I don’t know what to do about that.

However, I will most certainly appeal. I’ve had this tweet:

demand an appeal and keep appealing until you go up in front of the panel

I will keep you all posted. Thank you so much. Also, Shegs, excellent choice of username for the festive season, just wanted to add that.